i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can I color on your dick again?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
