How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
