They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
