She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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