I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
