apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
