I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
