Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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