the ceiling is raining jello shotss
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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