She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
