You can't special order awesome
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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