You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
