you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
