her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sext me about skeletons
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
