I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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