things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
