Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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