I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dignity is for republicans.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm bleeding and have questions
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
