That's intense
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
