My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
