Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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