So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
