it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
