Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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