My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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