I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize