this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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