Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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