i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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