I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
