I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
