what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize