This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
