You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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