mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
