that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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