return my video game
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
