you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
