Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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