I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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