Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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