but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
