My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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