even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
