I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize