Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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