I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
