I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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