STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't deserve a penis
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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