Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
