Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
