Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Randomize
