He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
