i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
