I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
