just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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