His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
