Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
