I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
